An Explanation of the Ads and Some Random Facts

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me first apologize for the ads. I know they aren't pretty, crowded there at the bottom of these posts. They are there for two reasons.

1) With the amount of time I spend on the computer, I felt obligated to carry on the illusion that there's at least some possibility of getting paid for it.

2) The ads are allegedly content based, meaning if i talk about whales a lot, it will, I don't know, try to sell you a pet humpback or something. I'm curious as to what it will advertise based on what I write. Currently, it's just Obama stuff, but that's probably because that's almost all I've written about recently.

That being said, here are a few things I've learned lately.

• Those of any moral alignment other than evil should never investigate an assassinated emperor with associates who are lawful neutral and chaotic neutral. They will not investigate the crime, but rather will remoreselessly do everything in their power to thwart the rest of the group's investigation, which in turn, draws too much attention to the investigation and gets everyone kidnapped, killed, or both.
• The most magical animals in the world are penguins. Seriously. You can learn more arcane secrets from penguins than from any other magical animal, including how to tie your shoes with no hands. Who would have thought penguins would have a spell for putting on an article of clothing they never wear?
• If you become unstuck in time, your best bet is to try to end up in an alien zoo with a porn star. You have to mate to get your food in a protected environment. Bam! First three levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs taken care of in one swoop.
• Hugh Grant's crotch kills innocent people. (Bet you'll think twice before you do Notting Hill 2, won't you Julia Roberts?)
• The universe assumes that if you come here for your daily truth, you probably want to buy a President-Elect You-Know-Who collectible plate.

You have been informed.

A Quick Note About Penguins

Ladies and Gentlemen, I shall make this very quick today. I still have lots of work to do on the time machine. The sooner I finish it, the sooner I know what not to do. (What if I've already done it?). These are the concerns that keep me working on it late at night, the not knowing when I will commit this ill-fated act.

So here is your daily truth.

People often joke about penguins always wearing suits due to their black and white color scheme. I thought you may find it interesting to know that this is a deliberate evolutionary choice on penguin behalf (yes, I know evolution is unguided mutation, but "deliberate evolutionary choice" sounded less offensive than "penguin selective breeding") in an effort to one day infiltrate our society's ruling class elite to turn our fishing industry to their own corrupt and self-serving needs. I'm still researching what those needs are, but I'm sure once I find out, it'll be pretty darn nefarious.

You have been informed.