Go Vote, America.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s election day here in the U.S. and so I’m begging each and every one of you who is registered to go vote. Vote your conscience, whether they be republican, democrat, third party or otherwise. Go vote even if there are no candidates you like. Get out there, get your ballot and do a write-in. At least that way you send a message to the candidates. “Look, I was registered. I got up and went to my local polling place and I wrote someone in. You may think my vote was wasted, but in coming out today and casting my ballot for Mickey Mouse, I’m letting you know that I had every opportunity to vote for you, but YOU failed to convince me that ANY of you were fit to lead.” At least that way, Unwanted Winner X won’t be able to claim a mandate.

And as for the notion that voting third party helps the wrong guy win, let me enlighten you. Most of you don’t live in Swing States. That means one candidate or another will almost certainly win in your state regardless of how you vote. The electoral collage is a winner-take-all affair, so what’s the harm in voting third party? Unwanted Winner X was going to get all of those electoral votes anyway. If you vote for someone you disagree with just to try to keep Unwanted Winner X out of office, you’re not saying “I think Unwanted Winner Y is better.” You’re saying, “I think Unwanted Winner Y is right.” Which you don’t. Besides, if you vote third party, at least next time, the Losing Party will see that a significant number of people believe one way and will create policies to reflect your voting tendencies because politicians will do anything if they see there are votes to be gained for it. Or in a perfect world, those of you voting your conscience instead of your fears will show, at least in your state, that third party candidates can draw in voters and that they are a viable option, thus bringing us one step closer to fixing this broken two-party system.

For those of you in Swing States, I still say vote your conscience, not your fears. Again, politicians are especially desperate for your vote. Let them know where you truly stand (as opposed to where you’d rather not stand), and they’ll come courting you. Why? Because they desperately need you four years from now.

Get out there. Vote. Vote right. Vote your conscience, even if your conscience says don’t vote for any of them. That’s what the write-in area is for. Silence is tacit approval to anything they do. Speak up. Vote. Let them know who gave them their job.

To those readers in other countries, I urge your to urge people you know in this country to get off the computer and vote. It matters to them and it matters to you.

As for Ten Facts Tuesday, it is being postponed, at least for a while, so I can share ten facts about the winner once he (or she, in the unlikely but wonderful event a third party wins it all) is declared.

You have been informed.

Your 2008 Presidential Ticket

Ladies and Gentlemen, as we draw ever closer to the looming election, we must all give careful consideration to who we will vote for. I once heard a statistic that every election year, Mickey Mouse gets, on average, 200,000 votes. The more I think over this fact, the more I am saddened that more people don't vote for him. Let's look at where he stands politically.

• As a mouse, he's a little guy and an everyman. He truly represents the common people.
• He's friends with individuals of all species. Dogs, ducks, ghosts. It's all the same to him. He's not prejudiced.
• He isn't a man of great means. He lives a moderately comfortable life free of the suspicions against those wealthy elite with political aspirations. In other words, he's probably not a corporate lap dog.
• He has a strong sense of right and wrong.
• He's compassionate, especially to those in need.

There's a good chance our friend Mickey is a real Democrat and not a politician in the Democratic party. But who should be his running mate? How about long time friend and die-hard Republican Donald Duck? Don't believe he's a Republican? Allow me to prove it to you:

• He's a military veteran. The guy was in the navy for decades.
• He'll do anything for a buck.
  
• He was active in the war effort during World War II, and even managed to put aside his American greed for good old American patriotism.
• He practices strong family values by raising his three nephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. He even taught them smoking is bad for kids.

What an amazing ticket this would be. The two rival parties united under one presidency. Both are clearly old enough to run for president. Both were born in the U.S.A. True, both are financially backed by one of the nation's more money-hungry family companies, but you can't have it all, I suppose. I don't know about you, friends, but I know how I'm voting in November.

Mouse-Duck 2008!

You have been informed.

While we're on the subject of Presidents

About twenty years ago, a young Harvard Law student known as Barack Obama was out drinking with friends after a particularly difficult exam. Having imbibed a little too much, but still being a respectable, upright citizen, he decided to call a cab. Barack searched his pockets, the ash tray, everywhere he could think of, but alas, could find no quarter with which to use the payphone. (yes, a payphone. This was back in the day before the technology from the original Star Trek was released for civilian use as the cellular phone). Needing to get home but unable to drive, Barack began feverishly moving from person to person, pleading his need for change.

"Buddy, we all need change," said one jaded bar patron.

A light suddenly clicked on in his head. It isn't enough for him to find change. "We all need change." He needed to bring change to every drunk man, woman, and child without a quarter to call a cab. His grand manner of speech, however, ensured that his never-ending quest for quarters for the world would forever be misinterpretted. His misunderstood message has been snowballing ever since.

Where is this young man now, twenty years later? He's been nominated to the presidency of the United States. His message? Change for everyone.

You have been informed.