Thursday, March 19, 2009

10 Unknown Facts about William Jennings Bryan

Ladies and Gentlemen, this week's 10 Unknown Facts is about my all-time favorite historical figure. Everyone loves an underdog. Everyone loves a man who gives his all and loses anyway. Today, on his birthday, we celebrate history's greatest loser, William Jennings Bryan. He was a U.S. Representative who ran for Senate and lost. Shortly thereafter, he ran for president on a platform of "Cross of Gold" and Free Silver (coinage of, not the idea of just giving silver away) and lost. He even championed creationism in the famous Scopes "Monkey" Trial (as semi-depicted in the film Inherit the Wind) and lost. In all honesty, he was a running joke in my U.S. history class. My teacher would say, "And guess who he was up against?" and we'd all reply semi-knowingly, "William Jennings Bryan!" and immediately knew who the victor would be in the debate, the trial, or the election. Here are several other things he's lost that you may not have known about.

10 Unknown Facts about William Jennings Bryan:
  1. William Jennings Bryan was abducted by aliens and lost time.
  2. William Jennings Bryan rode a wild bull through the streets of Brazil and managed to stay on, but he lost his lunch.
  3. For a while, William Jennings Bryan thought his wife was having an affair and he lost sleep, but as it turns out, she was just planning a surprise party.
  4. William Jennings Bryan was being chased by the cops after an Ocean's 11 style caper, and he lost the police in a dark alley.
  5. William Jennings Bryan went on a proto=Adkins diet and lost 25 pounds.
  6. William Jennings Bryan--or his ghost at least--is a huge fan of Lost.
  7. As a child, William Jennings Bryan was lost in space. His exploits have been reproduced as a show of the same name. His character was renamed William Robinson.
  8. William Jennings Bryan once told President Taft a joke about a bath tub, but the joke was lost on him.
  9. William Jennings Bryan once was supposed to be downtown for a very important meeting but he got caught up in a battle of wits with extraterrestrials for the fate of the planet and lost track of time.
  10. William Jennings Bryan spent a month trailing Big Foot through the Pacific Northwest. He followed the beast's trail for days and finally found him. He reached for his camera quickly, but lost sight of his prey in the trees and mist.
  11. (Bonus Fact!) William Jennings Bryan lost his temper in 1906 and leveled a city. History has attributed the destruction to earthquakes.
He was a remarkable man with a penchant for losing things. He will be missed.

You have been informed.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what the fuck is this bullshit - Mr. Gotsell