Vampire Remains Found

Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe today's nugget of truth needs no explanation. Reading the article tells you everything you need to know, but just in case you're busy, I'll give you a quick recap. An archaeological dig in Venice, Italy unearthed the skeletal remains of a female vampire. This tells us six important things.

1. You can bury something in Venice, even though it's famous for having watery roads.
   
2. Vampires can come from places other than Transylvania.
   
3. Even vampires like nice warm Mediterranean climates.
4. Vampires can exist in Italy. Therefore, garlic can't possibly hurt them as much as previously thought.
5. If you are ever attacked by a vampire, your best defense may not necessarily be a wooden stake to the heart, but rather a brick to the mouth.
6. Even the Italian government is bent on covering up the truth with their "scientific explanations."
   

You have been informed.