10 Unknown Facts About Dick Clark

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been listening to a lot of music lately, and when I think of music in general, I think of Dick Clark, not because he really makes any music, at least not personally, but because he's been something of a spokesperson for it since American Bandstand and his New Year's Rockin' Eve Party. He was born as Richard Wagstaff Clark in 1929 (yes, he's coming up on his 80th birthday), but became famous as Dick Clark of American Bandstand fame, a program on which bands would play, teens would dance, and back at home, girls would swoon during any Elvis appearance. Despite the stroke, he's still managed to keep something of a baby face. This youthful appearance even earned him the nickname "America's Oldest Living Teenager." Clearly this youthful appearance is actually because he's from a mystic race that ages slowly. In fact, rumor has it that the change from Richard Clark to Dick Clark is just one in a long series of name changes that he adopts every century or so, to keep his true nigh-ageless nature a secret. I'm giving that tidbit to you for free and not including it as a fact because, honestly, that's just conjecture. No, Clark comes to mind for being so influential in music, though his influence goes far deeper than hosting music programs. At times, he inspires it. The list of 10 Unknown Facts today shows just how inspirational Dick Clark has been to music by discussing 10 songs in which he goes uncredited.

10 Unknown Facts About Dick Clark:

1. Dick Clark put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop.
2. Dick Clark keeps moving John Linnell's chair.
3. Dick Clark let the dogs out.
4. Dick Clark wrote the Book of Love.
5. It's Dick Clark
6. Dick Clark controls the British crown, Oscar night, and several other things.
   
7. Dick Clark holds tomorrow.
   
8. Dick Clark sold the world.
   
9. Dick Clark taught Sloan to live like that.
   
10. Dick Clark is gonna drive you home tonight.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I felt it captured the scope pretty well. Next time you hear a song where someone wants to know who did something, rest assured, it's probably Dick Clark.

You have been informed.

10 Unknown Facts About They Might Be Giants!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been talking a lot about politics over the last few days, and I apologize. Elections bring out the worst in me. I've been spending too much time on opinion and not enough time on cold hard facts and equally hard, though less cold investigation. Therefore, today we return to the light and bouncy world of fact with the lightest, bounciest band of all time, They Might Be Giants. This band, composed of Johns Linnell and Flansburgh and a revolving cast of others, is dedicated to fact with their catchy upbeat songs about U.S. presidents, mammals, Belgian painters, and everything else under the sun (and the sun too, now that I think about it, but that's a cover). They are, hands down, my favorite band, and to honor them, I present 10 Unknown Facts about They Might Be Giants (or rather, five facts each about Johns Linnell and Flansburgh).

10 Unknown Facts About They Might Be Giants' own Johns Linnell and Flansburgh!

1. John Flansburgh gets his name from an accomplishment of his in his youth. He built an entire city, or burgh, out of flan. Then someone made a loud noise and it collapsed.
2. John Linnell can shapeshift into any former U.S. president. In January, he'll be able to become George W. Bush. Had he lived in the late 1800s, he would have temporarilly lost the ability to turn into Grover Cleveland when he was reelected to a non-consecutive second term.
   
3. John Flansburgh speaks dog.
   
4. John Linnell learned to play the accordian from a stranger on a side street. After teaching the young Linnell to rock out the accordian, he vanished into thin air, leaving behind only the instrument he played.
   
5. John Flansburgh can escape from a straight jacket AND a curved one.
   
6. John Linnell can travel through time, but only to the 1964 World's Fair, hence its prominence in his songs.
   
7. John Flansburgh can operate any pieces of electronic machinery with his mind (and electricity, obviously, but other than that, he needs only his mind).
   
8. John Linnell was once both a doctor and a worm. He has since gotten better.
   
9. John Flansburgh spent a great deal of his spare time for several years studying psychology and sociology. Shortly thereafter, he wrote a musical called People Are Wrong. Coincidence? You decide.
   
10. John Linnell is a white collar superhero in his spare time, often busting illegal back-alley insider trading deals.

If you'd like to learn more about this fantastic band (though arguably, it's more of the widely known knowledge), I strongly recommend the documentary Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns. And then go buy their CDs afterward.

One ore thing before I wrap up today's post. Thank you veterans for all you've done for me, for us, and for the world.

You have been informed.

3) Are they Giants?

Ladies and Gentlemen, for your edification:

3) Wil Wheaton knows whether or not the Johns Linnell and Flansburgh are, in fact, giants.

Wil Wheaton went to see TMBG perform a couple of years ago (the Venue Songs tour) at the West Hollywood House of Blues. After the show, he saw them walking to their van and asked them if they were, in fact, giants. They told him.

This one really isn't that interesting a story.

You have been informed.

10 Unknown Facts About Wil Wheaton

Ladies and Gentlemen, here in these United States, we often find ourselves caught up in a frenzied cult of celebrity, fueled by tabloids, headline news, and half a dozen "OMFG, she wore WHAT?" feeds. Too often we get caught up in the surface of these celebrities. Who are they dating? What projects are they working on? What drugs are they in rehab for? We find ourselves overlooking the subtleties that make them who they are. We miss their hidden little secrets. This regular installment will profile a celebrity by sharing ten facts about them that you may not know.

For this week's celebrity, I chose Wil Wheaton. Having just finished reading his book Just a Geek, I was shocked to find that while he addressed his career as an actor and writer and his nature as a geek, there were many things which only add to his geek street cred that he did not include. Below is a list of ten things about Wil Wheaton that he failed to mention in his book. And like Nigel Tuffnel's amp, this list of ten things goes to eleven.
FNORD
10 Unknown Facts about Wil Wheaton:

1. The more Cthulu learns about Wil Wheaton, the more insane he becomes.
2. Wil Wheaton won Gary Gygax's lucky 20 sider when the D&D (co)creator bet him he couldn't fit an entire 3rd edition Monster's Manual (vol.1) in his mouth. Wil fit the first four volumes.
   
3. Wil knows whether or not the Johns Linnell and Flansburgh are, in fact, giants.
   
4. Contrary to the Trekkie popular belief, Wil Wheaton cannot travel around time. However, when he desires it, time will travel around him.
5. Wil Wheaton started a real AADA, but had to disband it after simultaneously defeating all five other co-founders with nothing but a Radio Flyer wagon and a single flaming oil jet. To be fair to his competitors, I must point out that it was an HD flaming oil jet.
6. Accurately depicted in GURPS, Wil Wheaton as a character would cost 413 points.
   
7. Wil Wheaton has access to seventh level disciplines.
8. Wil Wheaton once visited the eighth dimension using his own home-made oscilation overthruster.
9. Wil Wheaton is the Kwisatz Haderach.
10. Wil Wheaton is Three Laws Safe!
11. Wil Wheaton is Security Clearance ULTRAVIOLET.

You have been informed. FNORD