Sunday, November 2, 2008

11) Wil Wheaton's Security Clearance

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been a long ride, but I think it's time to go ahead and finish off the Wil Wheaton list by telling the story behind the final item. So, without further ado, we bid adieu to this undertaking with the story behind Wil Wheaton's security clearance in Alpha Complex.

11) Wil Wheaton is Security Clearance ULTRAVIOLET.

To tell this story right, you have to go all the way back to when he was just WIL-IR-WTN-01 working in the Extra Classic Bouncy Bubble Beverage factory when [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-01, you do not have clearance to know the censored fact. Knowing this fact is treason.], so he went [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-01, you must be Security Clearance ORANGE to speak that name. Speaking that name without clearance is treason. Please report to the nearest Confession Booth for termination]. Now obviously, he couldn't just [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-01, you must be Security Clearance BLUE to describe that product. Describing that product without clearance is treason. Failure to report to the Confession Booth is treason. Friend Computer wishes you to please report immediately to the nearest Confession Booth for termination.]

So there he was, [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-01, this story is not fun. Fun is mandatory. Not having fun is treason. Not reporting to the nearest Confession Booth is treason. Warbots have been dispatched to better facilitate your termination.]. Instead he

[Blogger MRT-R-UTH-01, please enjoy your termination. Enjoying your termination is mandatory. Not enjoying your termination is treason.]

Where was I? Oh yes. By this point the jackobot [**Carrier Interrupt** Paid Advertisement: Enjoy Thirty-Second Flavor ColdFun! The Flavor that keeps you guessing! End Advertisement **Resume Transmission**] into the [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-02, You do not have security clearance to be interrupted by that advertisement. Allowing an advertisement for a product above your security clearance is treason. The Thirty-Second Flavor is a controlled substance. Advertising the Thirty-Second Flavor is treason. Please report to the nearest Confession Booth for brain-scrubbing and termination. Be happy. Happiness is mandatory.]

Of course he had to [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-02, your uniform is dirty. Cleanliness is mandatory. Your unclean uniform is treasonous. Please wait while Warbots are dispatched for your termination.] pillow [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-02, Friend Computer asks that you please enjoy your termination. Enjoying your termination is mandatory. Not enjoying your termination is treason.].

From there, it was only a matter of time before [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-03, you do not have security clearance to know that name. Possessing knowledge above your security clearance is treason. Friend computer asks that you please enjoy your termination. Enjoying your termination is mandatory.]

Which is how he became [Blogger MRT-R-UTH-04, you do not have security clearance to know that security clearance level. Possessing knowledge above your security clearance is treason. Friend computer asks that you please enjoy your termination. Enjoying your termination is mandatory.]


[Blogger MRT-R-UTH-04, Friend Computer detects that you are not enjoying your termination. Not enjoying your termination is treason. Please wait for additional termination.]

You have been informed. [RED-R-BLG-01, you do not have security clearance to be informed. Being informed without security clearance is treason. Friend Computer asks that you please report to the nearest Confession Booth for brain-scrubbing and termination.]

2 comments:

Anna said...

Thanks for these, they're great! Found the link on Wil's blog. Good stuff.

Mr. Truth said...

I'm sincerely glad you enjoy them.