Wil's Vampiric Powers and Life Changing Pub Crawl

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think it's time I get back to explaining Wil Wheaton's 10 Unknown Facts list. I believe I left off explaining six, so we should start today with number 7, which actually has a bonus explanation.

7) Wil Wheaton has access to seventh level disciplines.

This is just a quick one. First we must step back a hundred years. Two vampires were having it out (like they do) and one fleshcraft/bonecrafted an elder vampire into a cup for some really horrible thing. I think it was diablarie, and since the vampire got in trouble for drinking the soul of another vampire he was made into a cup so others would constantly drink from him? I don't know. The thought processes of vampires have always been a thing of mystery for me. Regardless.

Skip to the almost present. Wil was filming for Star Trek: Nemesis. The vampiric cup made its way onto the set as a prop for the wedding scene. Wil was assigned this cup. Using a touch induced dominate, the vampire was able to possess what he thought would be an actor who would essentially allow him to have a body to walk and talk with. Unfortunately for the vampire, Wil was in character at the moment. Really in character. So the vampire ultimately ended up possessing Wesley Crusher. When the scene ended, Wil took back over and the vampire was relegated to a permanent back seat, the way John Cusack was at the end of Being John Malkovich.

The director noticed this possession and made a very difficult decision. It would hurt Wil's feelings and possibly turn the actor against him, but it was for the safety of the world, so he had no choice. He had to make sure the character of Wesley Crusher never appeared again, lest the vampire take over and bring unspeakable horrors to the world. He would have the editor remove the character from the movie entirely under the pretense of "time constraints." Hence the character only being given one line and it being cut from the movie. Unless Wil reads this blog, he still does not know the real reason he was editted from the movie.

This post isn't over, however. I told you that you'd get a bonus explanation and you shall. When I posted this list, I changed item seven to "Wil Wheaton knows how to get to Callahan's Place," but for some reason, the change never saved onto the blog. Here's the explanation to the missing list item.

7a) Wil Wheaton knows how to get to Callahan's Place.

(Again, I mention that this is based on a third party account, so some of the dialogue may seem a little authentic. I assume it was much more real and heartfelt, and less cheesy when it actually happened.)

If you've read Just a Geek, you may recall the part of the book where Wil has several auditions in one week and has to skip a family trip to Tahoe to try out for these roles his agent found for him. What he did not mention was that one of these auditions was in New York. He did not get the callback and was feeling rather down. He decided that he would rent a car and drive back to California to give him a few days alone to wallow in his misery and have a nice long chat with Prove To Everyone That Quitting Star Trek Wasn't A Mistake. He stopped for gas and a pint of Guinness in New Jersey in a little out of the way bar, so out of the way in fact he was kinda surprised he found it. But then, that's the way things work at Callahan's Place. No one really finds the place unless they need to.

Wil walked in and took a seat at the bar. A warm friendly fellow of a man poured a pint of the cold creamy stout. No one pried, no one ever does, but the bartender, Mike Callahan, did let Wil know about the Option: When you buy a beer, you can either return the glass and get a small portion of your money back, or you can make a toast and throw the glass into the fireplace. (Mike has a belief that if you can name a pain, you can deal with it, you see, and so the toast is actually a way for people to name their pain and open up to the healing process).

Wil would not turn down the chance to smash something, at least not in the state he found himself in. He pulled his feet across the floor and stood before the hearth. The fire gleamed in his eyes as he raised his glass. "To fame," he said before downing the remainder of his beer and hurling the frosty mug into the roaring flames, sending a thousand shards of glass racing exploding from the center of the blaze where the glass struck. Wil observed a casual similarity to the Big Bang. So many tiny little stars flying out from one mass of burning potential. Sure, he realized that in actuallity, what he witnessed was, in fact, nothing like what the Big Bang really would have been like. Even so, he was stuck on the idea of comparatively little fragments of shiney nothing flying away from a point of infinite potential, a warm center brimming with the possibility of being anything and everything, but ultimately becoming nothing more than a smattering of brief tiny glimmers in a field of black.

He stared into the fireplace for a few more moments before laughing sadly to himself and shuffling back to the bar. Staring blankly at the counter, he ordered another. "Don't worry. I won't break this one."

"It's alright, kid. I buy in bulk."

Wil chuckled. He laughed He practically rolled. It wasn't funny. He had no idea why he found the idea so amusing, but it seemed to open a floodgate in him. It was the simplicity of it that grabbed his fancy, Wil determined. Glasses would break anyway. You may as well get some kind of visceral thrill out of the smash, savor the vicarious breaking of whatever ails you. Ails. Ales. He chuckled at the pun before sharing his observation with Mike Callahan.

Mike chuckled as well. "You'd fit right in here, kid. But something tells me that you're a little too far from home to be a regular."

Wil agreed and gave his story. The early success promising a future that wouldn't come. The doubt. The auditions. The love/hate relationship with the only thing that provided some form of semi-regular income. The seemingly endless stream of failure.

"Why do you need to be famous so much?" Mike asked.

"To prove to people that I'm not just some worthless guy who supposedly ruined their favorite show."

"What people?"

"I don't know. Just people."

"Don't you think you should at least learn their names before you worry about trying to impress them? I don't know about you, but I have a hard time knowing how to impress someone I don't know very well, let alone at all."

"I know, I know. But that doesn't make it any easier."

"What do the people you do know think of you?"

"They like me, I suppose."

"And their opinion matters to you?"

"Of course."

"Then why don't you worry about more about them and less about people you don't even know?"

"I suppose you're right. I mean, I know you're right, but..."

"Where are they right now? You're family?"

Wil sighed and told him about the trip, about bailing out at the last minute, about disappointing those he cared for only to be disappointed by his auditions and himself.

"They sound nice," Callahan said.

"They are," Wil sighed wistfully. "They really are. If I were half as good at my job as I am with them..."

"Vacation skipping excluded?"

"Vacation skipping excluded, I'd be huge."

"Why do you need to be rich and famous so much anyway?"

"So I can take care of them. And so I don't have to feel like such a huge failure all the time."

"Look," Callahan said, "in my experience, fame and fortune don't matter that much to those closest to you. And from what I've seen, kids with a steady supply of love tend to grow up much happier and well adjusted than those with a steady stream of wealth. You've become a loving father to these kids whose only experience with that in the past was Leave it to Beaver reruns. That means a lot more to them than seeing you on TV."

"Yeah. I should rearrange my priorities, huh?"

"Family first," Mike said with a smile.

"Family first," echoed Wil.

"I'm sure you'll find a lot more satisfaction in doing well at your career as a father and wife anyway."

"I'm sure I will."

Wil ordered another Guinness and joined in when Jake Stonebender and Fast Eddie sang a round of "The Drunkard's Song." When the song came to its closing bars, Wil paid his tab and made his way to the door, with more smile and substantially more bounce to his step than when he entered.

"Where ya headed?" asked Mike knowingly.

"Tahoe!" came the cheerful reply as the door closed behind him.

Now, Wil never made it to Tahoe. For reasons beyond his control, he went home instead. But that's another story for another day.

You have been informed.