Healthy Hearts are Hard to Manage

Ladies and Gentlemen, at work this week, we're hosting the American Heart Association's "Go Red Symposium for Women's Heart Health," or something along those lines. There were so many information booths on women and heart disease, I was in cardio-estrogen heaven. What surprised me most is how much goes in to maintaining good heart health in women. You think it's pretty simple, don't you? Eat right. Avoid fatty foods and salty thing. Walk regularly. Exercise. I thought proper femenine heart health was that simple too. I was wrong.

At the symposium, there were a number of booths, as is to be expected. They had booths for Lipitor, good cardio workouts, classes on cooking healthy meals. All of these are things you would expect at a convetion dedicated to helping women manage heart disease. To my surprise, however, they also had booths run by Merrill Lynch dedicated to managing investments, or a dermatologist telling how their lasers can get rid of aging lines and make you feel ten years younger. There were booths for makeovers and art studios, fashion and purses and grooming. As it turns out, all of these are vital to maintaining a healthy cardiovascular system.

I know, it's hard to believe. I didn't believe it at first myself. But looking at it logically, this must be the case. There would be no reason to discuss the stock market or looking pretty at a symposium dedicated to heart health unless these issues directly related to the overall wellness of the circulatory system. With women, it seems, a holistic approach must be taken to ensure a properly running heart. In retrospect, I should have long suspected as much. Folk wisdom tells us a woman's heart is fragile, and dont' fragile things require additional care and maintanence? Men, when your wife or fiancee or girlfriend or sister is taking forever choosing which heels best match her ensemble, for heaven's sake, don't rush her. It's not just an outfit she's coordinating; it's also her health.

I would like to point out to my male readers that this was a symposium for women. In my life, I must admit that I have never seen a symposium for men's heart health. I've never been asked to Go Red for Men (or Go Blue for that matter). I must therefore conclude that heart health for men is much simpler than it is for women, simple to the point that we do not need a week long convention to discuss what is necessary: exercise and healthy eating habits.

You have been informed.