Monday, February 2, 2009

Your secrets have been compromised.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I slept terribly and dreamt of 3-d glasses. I know there were 3-d commercials during last night's "super bowl." I did not watch them. Because I did not watch the "super bowl." For previously discussed reasons. And yet, I dreamt about getting those darn red and blue glasses. I think NBC and Sobe have teamed up to ensure that I be advertised to no matter what. I didn't watch their silly commercials for their silly 3-d episode of Chuck. Instead, I watched five hours of buildup to them during five hours of obnoxious "Super Bowl" pre-show at work on screens whose size is measured in feet rather than inches. Double digit feet. NBC wanted to make sure I saw those commercials. They provided me with huge TVs they hoped I couldn't resist. They forced me to work during all of the pre-show hype for the commercials. They even convinced my boss to make me stay late for no good reason in hopes I'd see their silly 3-d commercials. Still, I resisted. I made my escape shortly before "The Big Game" started. I thwarted their attempts, and so they used dream-control technology to make me dream of their gimmick. 

Why, though, is what I want to know. Let's see, shall we> The commercials were for Sobe (with assistance from the movie Monsters versus Aliens) and for Chuck. I doubt very much that Sobe was part of the message. That bit was just for the money. It is a commercial after all. That leaves us with a trailer for a movie about monsters versus aliens and an ad for a show about a guy whose brain is accidentally the unwitting recipient of all of our nations most closely guarded secrets. All in 3-d. 

The purpose of 3-d is, of course, to make things appear as though they are really present. The purpose then is to either A) convince me that something typically assumed fake is real, or b) convince me that something typically considered real is fake. We have a trailer about monsters versus aliens, both of which are generally perceived to be not real. Clearly, this is meant to tell us that the message is meant to be interpreted as "Fake is really real." 

That leaves one final part to the message. Chuck is the only remaining piece of the message to fit into this puzzle. This show tells the story of a man whose brain somehow downloads all of the CIA's databases. Sure, it broadcasts as an actiony sitcom. I think, however, that NBC wanted me to get the message that the show is actually a true story. There really is a man out there carrying all of our most closely guarded secrets in his electronics store brain. 

Hmmm... but we all know that aliens really are real and the CIA is covering it all up. So maybe I was supposed to interpret that the other way. Hmmm... but that would mean monsters are real. And the CIA knows it! And a guy had this knowledge dumped into his frontal lobe like so much wrapping paper at the city dump the day after Christmas. Except, you know, the CIA files are more useful and more likely to get you hunted down and killed for retrieving. 

NBC invaded (and advertised in) my dreams to tell me that there is a man out there whose brain has been filled with CIA secrets, including those pertaining to the existence of both aliens AND monsters (and evidently, their impending war, for which we should all prepare. Note: Zombies are monsters and I've been warning about the zombies coming for years. Which means, the aliens might save us from them, unless of course Monsters versus Aliens is like Aliens versus Predators, in which case we all lose). NBC, thank you for facilitating my search for the truth, even if you did have to advertise in my dream to do it. I must find this super knowledgeable man and get those secrets the CIA is hiding so... hidingly.

You have been informed.

No comments: