Saved by Obesity

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that dark forces are afoot. In 1996 Sauron, it seems has somehow broken free of his cycle of ever increasing impotence following the loss of the the One Ring, presumably through some strange pity from Morgoth. He has since made Another Ring to corrupt men's souls. Sauron craftily hid the Another Ring in packaging of one of the thousands of packages of fake One Rings sold in fan boy magazines (prior to the movie's release. It was a book, remember). Someone in the world now possesses a ring of such corrupting power as to turn the slightest vice to all out damnation. But we only need mildly fear. For George Lucas found the Another Ring and it seems the ring simply doesn't fit his big fingers. However, its power still influences, still bends his will toward evil. Hence the massive suck of the new Star Wars movies, each an increasingly disgusting attempt at more money (Clone Wars? Come on!)

You have been informed