Tuesday, January 6, 2009

10 Unknown Facts About Cylons

Ladies and Gentlemen, the final season of Battlestar Galactica is almost upon us and the whole internet (and by whole internet, I mean the geeky parts), are abuzz speculating on who the final Cylon could be. I'm not one to give spoilers, but I will give you some hints to help you identify Cylons when you see them in today's 

10 Unknown Facts About Cylons:
  1. Cylons are mildly allergic to pineapple.
  2. Cylons often misspell the word conspicuous, forgetting the first "u."
  3. Cylons think the best barbeque comes from Sagittaron, when everyone knows that they put too much sauce on and don't smoke the meat for long enough like they do on Aquaria. Now that is good barbeque.
  4. This doesn't apply to all Cylons, mind you, but most can be identified on sight, as they look like huge metal men with gun arms. For some reason, though, people are more concerned with finding the ones who aren't always heavily armed.
  5. Cylons are seven times more likely to be dog people than cat people.
  6. Cylons think that Anders was too defensive when he played pyramid for the Panthers.
  7. If an attractive woman wants to spend time with you in the bedroom, chances are she's a Cylon. If you're not sure, look for the glowing red back.
  8. Cylons are monotheistic, this is true. But contrary to popular belief, they are Pastafarians.
  9. Cylons may dress nice, but their clothes are actually sweatshop knockoffs of designer house brands, because the clothes are cheap and they don't care about human children.
  10. Cylons don't know it's not bacon.
Hopefully, this will help you find out who the final Cylon is before your friends so you can brag around the water cooler with a big fat "I told you so."*

You have been informed.

*Editor's note: Big Fat I-Told-You-Sos statistically tend to positively correlate with the likelihood of eating alone. You have been informed again.

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