Killer Klowns and Robot Dogs

Ladies and Gentlemen, in the late 1980s, a gang of killer clowns came from space and ran amok in a small town. These clowns, or "klowns" as they were called for no good reason beyond alliteration, didn't really speak. Instead, they just made high pitched squeaky noises. Now, twenty years later, robot dogs, allegedly from Japan, make the same noises. These robot dogs are clearly the product of killer klowns. Perhaps they've turned to robotic hounds because their balloon canines were too easily destroyed by the inept locals. Perhaps their popcorn pets were no longer pulling in the cotton candy like they used to. Either way, these positronic pooches are out to kill us all. And they'll get away with it too. After all, the klowns were able to take us by surprise because who expects fun-loving, smiling clowns to be so evil> The same goes for these Japanese automaton puppies. No one expects cute little plastic puppies to go rabid and do anything evil. I mean, come on, they don't even chase after balls unless they're a specific color, except, oh wait. That color is bright pink. The same color as cotton candy, which happens to be what the killer klowns' guns turn people into. So the robot dogs can fetch them. 

Beware, then, ladies and gentlemen. These dogs may be cute. They may be adorable. They may play your mp3s. But they fully intend to steal your heart. And probably bury it in the back yard. Until the klowns can get it.

You have been informed.