Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Buffalo Wings Flying Away?

Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a shortage of buffalo wings in this nation, leading to prices comparatively skyrocketing. Many blame poultry farms going bankrupt, thus lowering supply as the national demand for the food rises ever higher. We at The Truth of the World know different. No, I'm not going to say it's because we're over hunting buffalo. That's stupid. Buffalo don't have wings. No, the real reason we're running out of wings is simple. Hamas has been reworking tunnels in which they once stockpiled weapons. I understand you're wondering how the two can possibly be related. Let's break this down, shall we?

Hamas and Isreal, at least for the time being, have declared a cease-fire. That's right. Isreal agreed to pull all of their troops out of Gaza and Hamas will stop firing rockets into Isreal. Let me say that again with some emphasis added. Hamas will stop firing rockets into Isreal. Hamas has this thing about bombing Isreal. It really likes to. It's one of its only hobbies. That and not providing for its people. But mostly bombing Isreal. However, with this cease-fire, Hamas has run out of things to do. It is bored. And so it's been redigging these old tunnels that were once used to smuggle and stock weapons. What, Isreal has been asking, does Hamas need with these tunnels if they have sworn not to attack?

Chicken racing. Hamas has been buying up chickens left and right to race through these tunnels. Hamas figures that gambling on subterranean chicken races will help its constiuency forget about how miserable things are, espeically when they aren't bombing their neighbors. Further, these chickens will be periodically set loose in the rocket launching faciliities. If a chicken happens to accidentally fire one off, so be it. Hamas didn't launch the explosive ordinance. The chicken did. The cease-fire is still in effect. Further, once the cease-fire does fall apart, they'll be stockpiled with chickens. Hamas said they would no longer fire rockets into Isreal. Thus, to stockpile rockets in preparation for the day the cease-fire ends would be considered an act of hostility and disregard for the armastice. If, however, they stockpile seemingly harmless chickens, no harm no foul, right? No one need ever know that these chickens are being trained to wear explosives and then fly through Gaza to Isreal. People expects rockets to come flying out of the sky, blowing up buildings left and right. No one expects chickens to do that. It's the ultimate stealth weapon that provides your troops with eggs and entertainment while you wait to use it. It's unethical, but it sure is versatile, and every army loves a multi-tasking weapon.

Be on the look out for eggs showing up in unexpected places, Isreal. Poultry suicide bombers are probably close behind.

You have been informed.

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