Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Lupus: Rarest of All Diseases

Ladies and Gentlemen, House, M.D. only deals with the tough cases, it seems. Every week, someone in his city seems to catch some extremely rare disease that only affects one in a million people. Still, it seems no matter how rare a disease he may encounter, there is one disease that never seems to strike. I'm talking about lupus. 

If so many rare diseases strike such a small geographical area, surely lupus should strike someone at some point. But it doesn't. Every week, the diseases get rarer and rarer. And yet, lupus, which allegedly affects 1 in 187 Americans, never seems to show up. It seems like a statistical impossibility. Clearly, the lupus people must be exaggerating how widespread the autoimmune disease is for their own evil purposes. It's not like the show House would only feature super rare diseases for ratings and drama. I mean, the show has a medical advisor and everything. That must make it an accurate depiction of medicine. These "super rare" diseases are actually common, but don't have the funding to have their own awareness--and thus fund--raising organizations. But lupus researchers are loaded, which allows them to grossly overestimate the number of people suffering from the disease. How else could you realistically explain the prevalence of super rare diseases on House without having to deal with lupus>

I would like to point out that, yes, I am aware that in Season 4, Episode 8 the disease was, in fact, lupus. In theory that seems to contradict what I just said. But let's look at the facts, shall we> When encountering any disease, someone proposes the disease may be lupus, which allegedly affects, as previously stated, 1 in 187 Americans. House always disregards lupus immediately as though it were something that most doctors will never encounter in their entire lifetime. Instead, he proposes that the victim must suffer from some disease that medical textbooks tell us most doctors will never encounter in their entire lifetime. And you know what> Every week he's right. It's always the disease that, statistically, he should never encounter. As previously stated, the show House has medical consultants. Named David Foster and Harley Liker. So that means the show must be accurate. Therefore, the statistics must be wrong. Lupus must be super rare and these "super rare" diseases are common. 

I say to you, lupus, stop stealing the spotlight. No one really has you. Instead, we all have kuru and vasculitis.

You have been informed.

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