Sunday, December 21, 2008

Board Games Attract Women

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have to make this quick. I had a rollickin' party that ran until five a.m., woke up at ten to clean, and now I have more Christmas shindigs to go to very shortly. Clearly I'm a very busy man so I don't have time to read whole articles, but if the headlines are any indication (and they should be, headlines are meant to be interpreted literally), but men seeking mates should carry around board games. The headline was "Guys may flirt with risk more to score a mate." Some of you may think that the word "risk" is not applying to the board game, because it isn't capitalized or it doesn't make sense. Let me tell you something, every word except articles and prepositions, except when at the beginning of a title, are supposed to be capitalized. Therefore, failure to capitalize Risk is a mark of laziness, not a sign that it's not referring to the board game. Secondly, it uses the word "score" in regards to mate. Not secure. Not attract. Score. As in games. The technique then, as I am forced to assume due to time constraints, is to carry around a copy of risk. When an attractive female comes by, flirt with Risk. Give it all of your attention. The woman will then become jealous of the board game and fight for your affections. It makes sense to me. Everyone knows jealousy and denying attention is the best way to attract a mate. Make them prove they're worth the effort, that the domination they're proposing is more fun than the game of global domination.

You have been informed.

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