Ladies and Gentlemen, you may or may not know this, but I am a licensed high school teacher in these United States, so matters of education hit close to my heart. That is why I found this especially disturbing. I admit, the American Education System™©® may not be the best in the world. However, we are trying to turn things around. You may have heard of a little piece of legislation called No Child Left Behind? Well, it's failing us, but worse than that, it's failing the kids, and worse than that, it's failing the kittens even worse. We may have a problem with juvenile delinquincy, but cats are hit especially hard. When I went to college, the campus was littered with litters of cats, lying about, never going to class. Never studying. They were like townies or hippies waiting for a jam band to come to town. But problems like these do not start in college. No, it starts when they're young. The problem is we aren't educating these lolcats.
What is a lolcat, you may ask? (look! New keyboard! I can ask questions again!) Lolcats, as you can see from the site and sample pictures above, lolcats are poorly educated, often lazy, violent, or greedy. They act upon their most id driven instincts and rely on looks and charm rather than hard work and a solid education to get ahead in life. They are the slackers of the animal kingdom.
What I want to know is, how have we failed them so much that they are only barely literate? Their spelling is atrocious and their grammar is worse. Who will inspire them to excellence and pull them from their wayward ways? Where are the Jaime Escalantes, the Erin Gruwells, and the John Keatings for the kitten community? Where are the teachers willing to use unorthodox teaching methods and put it all on the line to ensure their feline students grow up to be intelligent, educated, productive free thinkers willing to take a stand against the cycle of violence and oppression they find their families caught within? These are not stupid kittens. They have brilliant minds that just need to be honed. After all, a look through these photographs will reveal that they've mastered invisibility technology. They can make indetectable to the human eye and visible spectrum cameras items such as beers, video game systems, transportation devices, and even other cats! Think of the great strides we could make technologically if they could be properly educated!
Please, write letters to your congressmen urging them to pass Kitten Education legislation. For the kittens. Without proper education and guidance, it's only a matter of time before an army of incomprehensible invisible kitty bots come to wipe us out. But if we educate them now, if we show them that they can make a place for themselves through hard work and literacy, then perhaps the life you save won't just be the cat's. It may be your own.
You have been informed.