Monday, December 8, 2008

Don King: Ninja Slayer

Ladies and Gentlemen, two odd things happened at work today. First, my hand was mysteriously sliced on something. It's possible one of the teachers at the teacher conference we hosted got me with a shiv, but that's unlikely. When I did my student teaching with the violent drug-addled seventh graders who shoved each other through windows, the shiv was saved for students who showed up high for the sixth school day in a row. I felt that, as an accommodating fellow teacher, it would be unlikely that they would pull the shiv on me, especially after I just got them two tables at the last minute. Plus, it happened without me knowing it happened until later. That's not the way shivving works. Shivving usually gets done with some kind of battle cry, like the name of your gang or something. I heard no "East Central Elementary Power!" when I got cut. It just happened. And we already know that my place of employment is inhabited by ninja. You may wonder what that has to do with Don King. 

The other strange thing at work is that everything metal I touched shocked me. Doors. Water pitchers. Other metal things. We all remember that Don King is surrounded by an aura of static electricity from his lightning powers. Clearly so much static at work could only be generated by that man's presence. It can also be no coincidence that the presence of Don King coincides with the increase in ninja activity at work. Don King has it out for them. My suspicion is that personally, Don King has no reason to hunt the ninja, at least not economic or emotional. I suspect it's to keep them on their toes. He is Cato to their Inspector Clousseau. Ninja pay him to jump out at them when they least expect it to keep them ready for attack at any moment. So if you notice a lot of static around you, beware, Don King is near, and where there's Don King, there's ninja.

You have been informed.

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