Thursday, December 4, 2008

No Questions Asked

Ladies and Gentlemen, the question mark key on this keyboard is broken. On the surface, it's just a mild inconvenience, sure. I have to do this > instead of... well, I guess I can't really type what it's replacing, but it's a question mark. What does this mean> It means someone feels I've been too inquisitive. Too many questions leads to uncomfortable answers. Remember the vampires seeking the bailout to buy up houses so they could get in without having to be invited> Well, since I reported on that, banks that received bailout money have been buying up other businesses instead of mortgages at-risk of foreclosure. Suddenly, that vampire free-ride buffet is gone. The vampires, clearly, were not pleased at all with my expose' (it won't even let me put an accent over the e! but I mean ex-pose-AY and not ex-POSE), and have sabotaged this keyboard to prevent me from asking too many questions. Sure, I may have a right to freedom of speech which no citizen of this country should be able to strip me of. However, these vampires with their "centuries older than thou" attitude unfortunately means they can grandfather clause out of it. Having lived here prior to the formation of the United States means they are allowed to live here without claiming citizenship, and as such don't have to abide by my rights. Grrr... Likewise, the Freedom of Information Act keeps me from obtaining any government assistance in tracking down info about these ages old creatures of the night. As official non-citizens they are immune to laws that require Americans to reveal subpoenaed information, which means I can't even use the courts to require them to tell me why they broke my keyboard or what they want me to not ask about (that's what I really wish they'd tell me. You know, so I can ask about it.) Once more, the evil Red Tape of Bureaucracy thwarts my best intentions of informing the public about what's really going on. The only real question left is... Who invited the vampires into the house to break my keyboard in the first place> (insert dramatic music here)

Hide your keyboards, seekers of the truth. The vampires are coming.

You have been informed.

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