Monday, November 10, 2008

Ocean Census

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've just read an article about scientists discovering new species of creatures while conducting an underwater "census." This makes sense to me. The purpose of the census is to document what the current population is, who was born, who died. It's an effort to get the lay of the land (or current of the sea) of a population. Here's my question regarding these newly discovered species. If we have no documentation that they existed before, and we discovered them via this census, what measures are being made to remove these undocumented sea creatures from places where they clearly don't have the right to be? We must be wary of undocumented sea life, else they take all the best plankton.

I think we need to create a means for these undocumented organisms to gain legal access to these underwater areas if they agree to contribute to the ecosystem. Sponges, therefore, are obviously out. Likewise, we must remove those new species who fancy themselves at the top of the food chain because they take food, but provide none for other organisms. The spend their days on the aquatic welfare system. Back to other parts of the ocean, I say. If you're going to suddenly show up with no previous documentation of your existence, you certainly better prove you're willing to contribute to your seaciety or it's back to where you came from, and since we have no record of you being anywhere else, we must assume you are the result of spontaneous genesis. Ergo, you must be sent back to non-existence.

Extinction for freeloading undocumented species. Get to work or cease to be.

You have been informed.

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