Friday, November 14, 2008

Who Hurt My Ankle?

Ladies and Gentlemen, today I went to work and out of no where, my ankle started hurting. With every step, the pain that shot up my shins became sharper and more intense. I don’t recall every taking a bad step or losing my footing. I never twisted it, stubbed it, smashed it, jarred it, or dropped anything on it. No one else did either. Even so, it swelled. It hurt. It caused me pain. There are only three explanations.
  1. The Ghost of Oliver Cromwell. Sure, he seems to have it out for me and I didn't see anyone, so it could have been a ghost, but he has not motive. I really haven't done any of the things that make him seek vengeance upon me lately. Plus, work is a little out of his jurisdiction. He normally only harasses me at home.
  2. The Invisible Man. Well, let’s be a little less specific. An invisible man. Or person. However, if I get too vague, it’s hard to come up with any kind of justification for them. It could simply be a cruel invisible prankster, but I didn’t hear any laughter as I winced, so this seems unlikely.
  3. Ninjas. I do have an interest in ninjas, which in theory goes against their mystique. After all, if I’m researching them, they become less mysterious, correct? Further, I saw no one do it and heard no laughter. Ninjas would strike imperceptibly quickly and would make now sound, not even the sweet gloating of revenge. Also, it did start hurting while I was setting the night club, which is a much darker location, giving said ninjas ample shadow to lurk in.
Given the evidence, I’m going to have to say it was probably ninjas, who wounded me for looking too deeply into their secrets, and by too deeply, I mean looking into their secrets at all.

Moral of the story: Don’t investigate ninjas unless you can take the pain.

You have been informed.

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