Thursday, October 9, 2008

Killer Sea Cow?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot verify that the following post is entirely true. It is merely cautionary speculation.

In Boston, far from the warm native waters of Florida, swims a one flippered manatee, presumably in circles. No one knows why this rogue manatee has chosen Cape Cod to dwell in, especially with the deadly cold of winter approaching. Tourists and locals find him cute and endearing. They see him as some sort of hard-luck case, a nature after school special about overcoming handicaps. True, the manatee is missing one flipper and one eye and still managed to make it safely all the way to New England during hurricane season. Perhaps it is because so much that I discover is negative, but my pessimistic nature doesn't let me trust this manatee. It navigated from Florida to Massachusetts during hurricane season in terrible physical condition. It's smart and it's determined. But why? I suspect revenge. A Boston local almost certainly took a vacation to the everglades and mangled the poor manatee with his offboard motor. A heartless water enthusiast such as that almost certainly does not remember this particular sea cow, but oh yes, this sea cow remembers him and has plotted long for this day. He knew the risks, but he had to get his vengeance. It's only a matter of time until our Bostonian villain takes a pleasure cruise in his schooner and then shall the world come full circle. I'm not saying I blame the manatee. Not at all. To borrow from Kill Bill, "That [manatee] deserves her revenge and [the boater] deserves to die." All I'm saying is, if you tend to be a little careless and heartless with your motorized water vehicles in the past, especially in the state of Florida, you might want to stay out of Boston waters for a while. There could be a manatee with no depth perception plotting your demise.

You have been informed.

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