Monday, October 6, 2008

How Tokyo can save the economy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we here at The Truth of the World are dedicated not only to discovering truths and bringing them to light, but also finding ways to use this truth to improve the world we live in. By now I'm sure you're all aware of the condition of the U.S. economy right now, and I'm sure you're all just as worried as I am. However, I think I may have found a solution through shared resources with Japan, the world's second largest economy. Our countries already have a strong bond of shared markets. We buy Japanese technology and they buy our culture. But the solution to this economic downfall is not more sharing of commerce. The answer we need is to share Japan's greatest natural resource: kaiju. For those of you unfamiliar with kaiju, they are large prehistoric and extraterrestrial beasts with a tendency to attack the island powerhouse from time to time. To date there are over thirty documented kaiju, including Godzilla, Mothra, and many others. What we need is to borrow some of these monsters from Japan, luring them to the West Coast of the United States using radiation, loud noise, and perhaps a large pile of fish.

You may be wondering how these monsters could possibly save our economy when they destroy so much. Please indulge your humble informer a moment's attention.

There have been twenty-eight documented kaiju attacks on Japan, especially the greater Tokyo area since 1954, averaging a little more than once every two years. Prior to these first attacks, Japan's economy was solid, but not great, not a powerhouse. However, since these monsters have begun attacking Japan, the country has grown tremendously in economic terms. This seems counter-intuitive, but I assure you it makes perfect sense.
  • With the need to rebuild a constant concern, construction workers and unskilled laborers have an nigh endless supply of work, thus producing a very low unemployment rate. Almost every citizen pays taxes and contributes to the economy.
  • If infrastructure is in a state of perpetual rebuilding, the system becomes substantially easier to maintain at a cutting edge state. In our nation, we hesitate to upgrade energy production and other industries to the latest technologies because a complete overhaul is costly. However, if we have to rebuild entirely anyway, the extra expense to upgrade infrastructure becomes a negligible amount tacked on.
  • These constant monster attacks increase funding to the military industrial complex, which, though sometimes dangerously self-serving, has a tendency to produce our most cutting edge, state-of-the-art technology, which in turn bolsters our economy as we export the technology abroad. You think it's a coincidence Japan is an economic powerhouse? They built the Maser canon.
  • The constant external threat of kaiju provides internal stability politically and socially. During times of crisis, especially against external threats, people tend to cling together and support one another. The petty political rivalries would take a back seat to the cooperation of a people determined to do all within their power to meet the needs of every citizen before, during, and after a crisis.
  • Consumer good production would increase as citizens replace lost clothing, furniture and other personal items after each attack, resulting in an economic boom for almost every industry.
There are numerous advantages to the threat of a few kaiju every couple of years. I for one think our great nation would benefit greatly from said attacks. I can hear some of you telling me that we had our chance and we blew it. We had King Kong attack New York in 1933, which in theory should have pulled us out of the Great Depression. However, I would like to point out that King Kong was smaller than most kaiju. He barely towered over any buildings and died before he could cause any great damage. Were he bigger, he would have done more damage and that fall from the Empire State Building would not have killed him. A true kaiju would have caused more damage and pulled us from the depression seven years early, which could have potentially prevented World War II. We don't want another World War. Its time we put pressure on Japan to stop monopolizing this colossal monster threat so that other economies can prosper as well. I saw we start a petition. Japan, share those monsters! We promise not to kill this one!

You have been informed.

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