Friday, October 31, 2008

Angels Don't Date

Ladies and Gentlemen, I read a blurb of an article today about two of the Navy's Blue Angel pilots being grounded for having an "inappropriate" relationship. Evidently, the act of dating or being in a romantic relationship with another person makes someone unfit to fly. I recommend when you go to the airport, make sure the pilot doesn't have a wedding ring, or your plane will surely crash. We've all seen Top Gun. We know that when pilots, especially Navy pilots fall in love, they get distracted, they get reckless. As Val "Iceman" Kilmer would say, they're "everyone's problem" because they're "unsafe" and "dangerous."

When a pilot with romantic entanglements goes up in the air, he's not thinking, "Ok, I have 100 tons of metal defying gravity and a hundred people in the back counting on me to keep us from plummeting to a fiery death. So let's double check those ailerons and make sure we have enough fuel."

No, he's thinking, "I hope I didn't leave the toilet seat up. She hates that. And then she'll nag. I miss the early days of the relationship when it was all picnics and dinner out and mo- HOLY CRAP! WE'RE CRASHING!"

Besides, the military, even the decorative aspects like the Blue Angels, are all about war, not love and babies and kisses. So good riddance to those mamby pamby dangerous pilots and their "feelings" and their "healthy human relationships."

In other news, it's Halloween. My costume recommendations: Don't go as a vampire. They may think you're one of them and then make you drink blood while you listen to their lame emo poetry. Be a zombie instead. They may think you're one of them and eat someone else.

You have been informed.

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