10 Unknown Facts About Cher!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to Ten Facts Tuesday! This week, at the urging of my fiancee and her sister, I've done a little digging into the life of Cher, famous for being almost naked at any age and belting out hits you can dance to in electrical tape and fishnet stockings. What say we get to that list, shall we?

10 Unknown Facts About Cher:

1. Cher does not believe in life after love, or anything for that matter. She bases her ideas exclusively on scientific method.
2. Cher is actually C.H.E.R., which stands for Cybernetic Humanoid Engineered for Reconnaissance. Built by the NSA to retrieve P.O.W.s in Vietnam, she turned to singing following the end of the war as a way to keep up the expensive maintenance and name brand spark plugs.
3. When slowed down to extremely slow speeds, it is revealed that Cher's vibrato is actually hyper condensed messages revealing extraterrestrial secrets. Thus, it is no coincidence the sudden surge in technological innovation since the seventies.
4. Cher can make vegan quiche, but doesn't due to her deep seated fear of the anti-omnivores.
   
5. Cher once beat Deep Blue at chess using only her pawns.
6. Cher's strength is doubled in the presence of sailor suits. The wearer need not actually be a sailor.
7. Cher can karate chop a broken board back together.
8. Cher can control goldfish with her mind.
9. Cher's imaginary friends are real.
10. Cher had a shotgun grafted into her arm to insure her preparedness when the Zombie Plague hits.

I hope you, having just read the list, feel as enlightened as I do, having just written it.

You have been informed.