More Quick Facts About Vampires

Ladies and Gentlemen, as you know by now, vampires are real. From time to time, I go under cover among them to learn what new information I can about them. Here is what I learned in my last bit of digging.

1. Given the choice, a vampire will choose a comedy act over a singing act, and will outright try to spoil a magic act.
2. Vampires mostly like to sit around listening to emo music and talking bad about each other behind closed doors.
3. Nine out of ten vampires have ridiculous names that typically include an adjective, a dark colored animal, a reference to blood, or an old, possibly no-longer-with-us city. They rarely make any attempt to pick a name that blends in with the society in which they live. If you look through the phone book and see a Gregori Constantinople, Raven Bloodmoon, or Fury Wrathemoore, chances are you've found a vampire in your city.

You have been informed.