Ladies and Gentlemen, I seem to be suffering some form of awfulness. While working hard today to put on a conference for the National Council on Economic Education, my knee inexplicably began to give me awful pains and even started to swell a little. I could recall hitting it on no large objects and/or pieces of furniture or building. Further, I remembered no twisting steps, trips, or other incidences of lost footing. I felt bewildered and befuddled over the injury's origins while simultaneously beleaguered and besieged by said inexplicable injury. With no direct incident to cite as the catalyst for my knee infirmity, I could reach only one explanation:
It explained why my knee hurt with no impact or twist, no misuse or abuse. After all, I was working for the National Council for Economic Education. The Terrorists know that our economy is failing and want to stop every effort for us to turn it around. Hence, a knee injury while tending to those intent on teaching proper economics. Those crafty Terrorists.
As a man named Truth, I must confess, Ladies and Gentlemen, that I was wrong in my initial guess. My first assessment was Communists. After all, they too had a vested interest in seeing our capitalist free market economy fail. But then I realize how silly that sounded. Communists made my knee hurt? Communists! Ha! What is this, 1987? Every one knows Communists aren't a threat. That was simply me thinking back to the golden days of my youth in which in which we wrongly believed that Communists were behind every terrible thing to happen. Oh how young and naive we were. Now that we know what Communism really is, we are able to see the truth of the matter. It's always Terrorists who are behind every plot. It always has been, and it never was Communists. Just like we've always been at war with Eurasia and allied to Eastasia.
For this reason, I must keep moving, even though it hurts my knee and will probably only exacerbate the problem. Because if I stop walking on my injured knee, the Terrorists win.
(On second thought, I have been using a lot of big words, and we all know that colleges are hotbeds for Communists and Socialists... Nah, it's always Terrorists now)
Now if you don't mind...
You have been informed.